Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Cheating

The last 6 months have been particularly rough on my physically.  The stress I was under taking care of my father's estate and managing my mother's needs over the last 6 months have had a negative impact, I'm sure, on the amount of time it has taken to heal from my various injuries.   Perhaps it is due to pain and my physical inadequacies over recent months, but I have really noticed how inconsistently Gem responds to my requests.  It seems that, more often than not, it takes a 3rd or 4th cue to get a response from him to trot or lope.  Correct bends around corners?  Maybe.  Listen to the rein of opposition?  Not always.  Moving off my leg?  Most times.  It's hit or miss (again) at the mounting block.  Could this be a direct result of not being able to ride him "well" over the last few months?  I don't know.  But, I do know that I don't want to have to ask 3 or 4 times for something. It's tiring!

I spoke to LA about putting Gem under 30 days training.  I see this all the time at our barn.  LA is kept quite busy through the fall and winter months, fine-tuning reining horses and getting them ready for competition.  LA kindly said that my confidence and riding skills have improved quite a bit, but she understood where I was coming from and she confirmed that she thought that Gem would benefit from 30 days of training.  He already knows what he has to do, he just needs a bit of a buff to bring back the shine and get rid of the dullness.  However, she told me that she was not going to invest the time in working with Gem if I wasn't willing to commit to some private lessons afterwards so that I could learn how to maintain what she has worked on.  I readily agreed.  Then, she told me that I had to approach this exercise as if Gem had been sent away for training.  What that means is that I can't see him AT ALL for at least two weeks.  Gulp.  After that time, she will assess whether or not I can come out and groom him only....no riding until after training is done.  Double gulp.  She offered the use of one of the school horses if I went through severe withdrawal.   I signed up.  Fortunately for me (Gem might disagree), LA's August was quiet-ish and she was able to start right away.  I have not been on Gem since August 1st. 

Shiny boy!
Interestingly, I have had mixed reactions to my decision.  Most are very supportive and encouraging, others look at this as another example of me being in over my head with Gem and others think that I am being lazy and cheating by having LA do all the work instead of working on him myself. 

Jean and I had already planned a trail ride for this past Sunday prior to Gem's boot camp commitment.  It would be her first time out on the trails since last fall, so rather than cancel, I asked LA for a lesson horse to ride.  She told me I could ride Sally.  It had been 11 days since I had been out to the barn (not that I am counting!), so I asked if I could see Gem.  LA said I could, but it would be "hi" only - that's it.  :-(    I was chatting with LA's mom outside of the barn when I first arrived while Jean went in to get the halters for the horses we were going to be riding.  According to Jean, when Gem heard my voice, he stuck his head over the stall door, looked at me and nickered.  When I finally did get to him, he pushed his face into my hands.  I gave him a little scratch. I didn't stay long.  It was hard walking away from him. 

I found Sally in the forest with the other horses, enjoying the cool of the shade.  I had no issues putting the halter on her and she walked quietly behind my shoulder back to the barn.  Sally's in her early 20's, an ex-dressage horse now in semi-retirement, but is used in lessons fairly regularly.  She is a steady-eddy and a good teacher.  Strangely, my saddle fit her perfectly and I didn't have to use the risers at all.  Even though she, too, has high withers, she is rounder and the saddle fit her curves nicely.   Cleaning her feet made me laugh.  They actually fit in the palm of my hand and were so dainty compared to Gem's!  Occasionally, I would glance down the aisle and there was Gem, staring intently, his ears forward, watching.....  I felt guilty.   I felt like I was cheating on him with another.

Sally stood quietly when I mounted (nice!) and waited for me to ask her to move off.  All we did was walk around the easy trails.  Riding a quarter horse after riding Gem seemed weird at first; I was so close to the ground!  :-)  Tree branches hitting me in the face?  Not a problem!  LOL  What I appreciated about Sally was her responsiveness.  The slightest squeeze of my legs would increase the pace to a more purposeful walk.   Light pressure on one side would get her to move over instantly, but in a soft, subtle way.  Turning her in small circles using only my legs was a piece of cake.  Resistance to backing up out of a tight space in the forest?  Nope.  Being able to stand under a tree and chat without having to put up with impatient head bobbing was, well, lovely.  

When I got back to the barn and started untacking Sally, Gem watched my every move.  Was he jealous?  Perhaps, in his own way.  I felt a twinge of guilt for enjoying my ride.  However, this ride, although it was not extremely challenging from a trotting/loping or terrain perspective, validated that I do know how to cue and I am getting better at using my legs.  I realized that simple things that I experienced with Sally that make a ride so pleasant have been inconsistent with Gem.  I am glad that I rode Sally.  She made me feel better about my skills and she set the bar for what I want and deserve from Gem.  I am doing right by Gem and myself by having LA give him a brush up on his skills and attitude.  Now that I have had a taste of what it could be, I am excited and looking forward to the day I can get back on him.  Thank you, Sally.

20 comments:

  1. Good ride with Sally, and great for validation of your skills.

    I think you are not in over your head with Gem, and you are not cheating since you're having to deal with health issues and more acute matters.

    Gem is a spirited horse, and I think he welcomes your patience, and obviously YOU. Perhaps he's been feeling your distractions lately, or even your doubts (pre-Sally) and is reacting to that.

    Anyway, I hope you do not give up on Gem. Sally sounds like a great horse, but I suspect you like the challenge of Gem, too.

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    1. It was a really nice ride on Sally. I think you are right - Gem has felt my distractions and is perhaps taking advantage. I know I am not over my head with Gem. He's reminds me very much of my dogs. I have three terrors, I mean terriers, and what I love about them is that they keep you on your toes. If you become complacent, that's when they flip you the bird and do something a bit naughty. :-) That's what I love about them and Gem.

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  2. Oooo you are so brave, making that decision, but good on you for having the foresight to see that it so obviously is the right thing to do. Its not a case of being in over your head where Gem is concerned, or being lazy and taking the easy way out; there are times in life, in all kinds of things, when it makes perfect sense to call in a professional.

    Sally sounds like a real sweetheart, and I'm so glad that she 'showed' you that you DO know what you're doing :D If that's not a confidence boost, I don't know what is. I'd give anything to know what Gem was thinking though.

    Hope you're feeling better, and that you'll soon be 100% well :D xx

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    1. I agree that sometimes you just have to call in the professionals. Why create undue stress for yourself and your horse trying to do it on your own if a professional can come in and do it right the first time. Sally is a real sweetheart and I am grateful that I rode her. I felt really bad when I saw Gem, though!! Do you think he will hold a grudge?? :-)

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  3. Good job making the best decision for you and for Gem. Sorry that you got some less than supportive opinions.

    Also great that you had a relaxing and confidence building ride on Sally. Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

    I'm the owner of, I mean, owned by, a jack russell terror also - she most definitely keeps me on my toes!!)

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    1. There are always going to be negative nellies. I try not to get sucked into the negative black hole. It was definitely an eye opener for me to ride Sally, all positive. :-) Love Jack Russells! You've heard of Jesse, right??

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9Fyey4D5hg&feature=relmfu

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  4. I feel riding other horses makes you a better rider, not a cheater And I also feel that sending Gem to training makes you smart. That is not lazy at all! They have professionals for a reason! I have heard that I am in over my head with Shy more than once. . .and maybe I am. But I have a great trainer and supportive people that help, which makes a huge difference.
    Whatever you feel is doing right for both you and Gem is the right thing to do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

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    1. You know, it never occurred to me to ride another horse to validate what I know and can do. I am glad I did. I trust my trainer too. You are very lucky to have support around you. You have done amazingly well with beautiful Shy. I am very happy for you...going to show?...good for you!

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  5. I have a lot of respect for somebody who can take a look at things and not only recognize that they need help, but actually go out and get the help. It doesn't mean you're in over your head at all, you can safely ride Gem, you're just not getting the response you want.

    I don't think it hurts for Gem to be ridden by someone else for a while and for you to ride other horses. I think it makes the pair appreciate each other more and it's a good way to see what is going wrong.

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    1. Thanks, Cjay. You bring up a good point. I guess if I can get something out of riding another horse, Gem will get something out of being ridden by someone else. :-)

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  6. Horses are so sensitive and especially when you are connected to a horse, like you and Gem, they pick up on our emotions and even our physical health and it affects them. When I am stressed out and not grounded, my horses want nothing to do with me!

    I think those little problems you've been experiencing with Gem are due to the fact that you've had a tough time. It is not about your skills, as Sally so generously showed you, I think Gem has just become a bit unsettled because he can feel you're not the same. Stepping back from him and taking some time is the best thing you can do for both of you. And he won't hold that against you

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    1. You are so right about picking up on my emotional state. I am feeling much better about sending him for training. And I am looking forward to my "training" too. :-) Hope you are experiencing some drier weather!

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  7. I'm glad you had a ride on responsive Sally. It just goes to show that you do know what you're doing while you're riding and giving the correct cues. If you didn't give her correct cues she wouldn't have listened now would she.

    Gem and you will both benefit from his boot camp experience. Every now and then a horse may need a tune up and it sounds like this was a very good idea for him. He may have picked up on your personal dilemmas because you might have inadvertently not been wholly there when you rode him. Maybe that's not the case at all either, who knows why they do the things they do. Whatever the reason he wasn't paying attention to your cues and it was a good idea to have him ridden professionally. I'll bet when you start riding him again he'll be a totally different horse for you.

    On another note, please don't pay attention to anything anyone around the barn has to say. The only one to listen to is your trainer. I've been to many boarding barns and it seems people just like to talk about others. Maybe because it makes them feel better about themselves, I don't know. You're definitely not over faced with Gem. You two make a great team. I do think he was a little jealous because he wasn't getting your full attention, he'll forgive you though. It won't be long and you'll be riding him again. I can't wait to see how well he behaves for you and your new positive attitude.

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    1. Thanks, GHM. Yes, I look at it as a tune up for him and it will be for me to once I get back on him. :-) I really try not to get caught up in the negativity at the barn and focus on what I believe is right for Gem and for me. I trust LA and that's who I listen to. The professionals (LA and STA) that know Gem and my level of riding skills do not think I am in over my head. Sometimes it's hard though. I wonder if people are so critical when talking about other's parenting skills?? Probably. And, I do think he was a little jealous.... :-)

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  8. I did what you did, last spring - I sent both Pie and Red to the trainer - Pie ended up staying for a little over 30 days, and Red needed 90 days, and we ended up with the Mark Rashid clinic. I went up there twice a week after the first couple of weeks, to take lessons on both horses - it was invaluable. I'm a lot better off, and so are both horses. This is an important investment you're making in your riding and in the horse - it's a good thing - it's certainly not a betrayal.

    And Red is very demanding and even jealous when I work with the other horses, particularly Pie - he whinnies and bangs on his door when I'm with Pie and is only happy when he gets attention and to work with me - horses can indeed be jealous.

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    1. Hi Kate - Yes, I know you did and it has really worked out for you. Your experience has been very positive and a great recommendation to me. Your excellent ride earlier this week shows what a success the training has been. You are fortunate that your time is your own and you can work all of your beautiful horses every single day, if you want. I need to discuss it with LA, but I think I will need to beg off work early for the first week or so when I am allowed to get back on Gem so that my rides are not spread out where he or I could forget what needs to be done. :-)

      I find it cute how Red is jealous of Pie.

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  9. Our decision to send our new horse to a trainer was the best decision for both the horse and us. He had shaken my confidence and I didn't know where to go from there. He has turned out to be a great horse but i needed someone to put some rides on him first!

    I know exactly how you feel about "cheating" on your horse. When Piney got sick it was right after I had been riding my new horse and loving it. I blamed myself for him getting sick but both Vets said that him seeing me ride a new horse was not enough for him to get that sick!!

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    1. You know, thank goodness I have blogger friends that are so positive, because I sure don't get this kind of consistent support from my barnmates! Glad training was good for you.

      Loosing Piney has been devastating, I am sure. But, don't be so hard on yourself. You did everything you could for him.

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  10. I think you made a hard decision but a great decision. I have always wanted to do that, send my horse away for training but the trainers that I have chosen in past have assessed me and said no - they have wanted me to carry on. This has annoyed me but also I take it as a kind of praise. I still think it would be nice to have someone 'tune up' and make things 'sharper'. I think you will love the result on Gem.
    OOOOHHHHHH you so cheated but it sounded like a lovely inspiring ride.
    That was also very strong of you not to spend too much time with Gem. I think I would have to stay away completely!!!!!
    GOOD ON YOU!

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    1. I am so going through withdrawal at not seeing him!! If a trainer says that you don't need them, then heck yes, that's a compliment! :-) I am getting antsy and want to see the results NOW. And, yes, I did feel naughty after riding Sally and still feel a bit sheepish when I tell others about the good ride I had on her. :-) I am a cheater!!!

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